Pokemon Legend and Steroid User: The Hidden Truth Behind Ash Ketchum’s Success
We all know Ash Ketchum as the spirited, never-give-up Pokémon trainer from Pallet Town. But here’s the thing: his physical feats leave me with a few questions. Is Ash secretly a member of Pallet Town’s underground bodybuilding scene…or is there something else going on off camera? Let’s uncover the truth. Could this 10-year-old pint-sized protagonist be juicing?
Super Strength: When Pokemon Aren’t the Only Powerhouses
It’s no secret Ash is built different. Literally. From day one, the kid has showcased unreal levels of strength:
- The Log Toss Discussed Around the World
No seriously. For those on to Ash’s antics, this is a hot topic. Did Ash think we wouldn’t notice? In Pinch Healing, Ash attempts to rescue a stranded Bagon by lifting a log, toting it like a football, and proceeding to throw it across a river. If we use a log weight calculator, we can assume it weighs no less than 1000 lbs. We can’t chalk that up to anime physics—it’s suspicious.
- Cosmoem’s Weight Mystery
According to the Pokedex, Cosmoem weighs a staggering 2,204 pounds yet we see Ash carrying it around as if it was a loaf of bread. Ash doesn’t flinch, struggle, or even acknowledge the ridiculousness of what he’s doing. Ash claims he’s just a regular kid chasing his dream of becoming a Pokémon Master. But when that “regular kid” is out here carrying a LITERAL STAR like it’s nothing… I can’t help but wonder what his true motives are. Either the Pokédex is lying, or Ash is on a heavy cycle of PED’s.
- Taking Down Grown Ass Men
I must admit, this one is not that impressive. It is however, a whole lot funnier. Dr. Namba is a Team Rocket scientist. In Nerves of Steelix!, he got more than he bargained for when Ash body-checks him into a wall so hard it knocked him unconscious. Can you imagine coming to work the next day. To you, it was like you were hit by a bus. Like some unstoppable object plowed into you. But to everyone else, it looked like you got knocked out by a 10-year-old who’s not even 5’0 tall. It was never a fair fight. Dr Namba had no way of knowing that Ash is on demon time with the copious amounts of juice flowing through his veins. I’d just turn in my 2 weeks notice.
When the Ground Isn’t Enough: Ash Ketchum, Human Catapult
Need more convincing? Fine. Just know I can go all day.
- A Leap to the Heavens
In Battle Frontier, we see Jessie and James once again pick on our little roided out jock. They steal his Pikachu and Sceptile and attempt to make away in a hot air balloon. The following sequence of events is what legends are made of and why I believe Ash gave up his natty status. Ash proceeds to hawk them down at mach jesus, uses a tree as a springboard, jumps 40-50 feet into the air and somehow grab a hold of the balloon. Oh yeah I forgot to add. During the jump Ash literally sprains his ankle. Think about that for a moment. Normal kids his age twist an ankle and need ice and a nap. Ash twists an ankle and eats that shit for breakfast.
- Okay WTF Was That Ash?
I don’t even know what to say about this. Nothing about this can be defended. In Throwing in the Noctowl, Ash scales a moving airplane. Moving on.
Putting The Fear of God in Pokemon
In Pokemon: The First Movie, in one of the wildest moments of sheer audacity, Ash decided that words were no longer enough and proceeds to attempt to punch Mewtwo. Yes, Mewtwo, the genetically engineered psychic powerhouse. But here’s the thing, Mewtwo didn’t just brush Ash aside. No… Mewtwo put up a barrier to block Ash’s punch. This is a Pokémon who could rearrange reality as we know it. Yet, when Ash’s fist came flying, Mewtwo thought, “Nah, I’m not taking any chances.” Mewtwo must have sensed some kind of hidden, roid-fueled power in that punch. He knew that Ash’s guns were a threat.
Remember… Mewtwo is essentially a roided up version of Mew. I guess it takes one to know one am I right?
The Evidence and What It Means for Ash’s Journey
Okay so to be fair, anime logic is notorious for bending reality. But Ash’s feats raise too many questions. So, let’s be clear on this, the only difference between Lance Armstrong and Ash Ketchum is the fact that Ash still has both testicles. I think we all know what Ash is hiding in that backpack.
So yeah: Ash Ketchum isn’t your average trainer. He is 100% juiced to the tits. But I will say his dedication to protecting Pokémon and saving the day makes him a true hero in my heart. I wish him nothing but the best during his next bloodwork panel.
What Do You Think of Ash’s success?
Is Ash a product of anime exaggeration, or is there something more to his superhuman feats? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
about this self proclaimed best midtown trainer
I am a certified personal trainer based in the heart of Midtown Atlanta. Keeping it simple, I like to get people in shape. It makes me happy and allows me to pay my bills. I am the least serious person you know and I promise I am easy to talk to. Oh yeah I also like anime and video games. If you want to get in to fitness, I’m probably your guy. Just send an email my way and I’ll get back to you.